Confidant
by EmbraceDiversity
Summary: <html><head></head>M!Hawke/Fenris. When Fenris swore to remain by Hawke's side, he meant those words in all aspects. When his lover's nightmares become too much to bear, Fenris decides to finally settle the matter. Spoilers!</html>


Fenris awakened to the sounds of shouting. Lucky for him, as quick reflexes enabled him to block a flailing arm on a collision course to his face. The warrior jerked upright from his position in the bed, one hand still holding firm on the arm which could have broken his nose. The arm of his lover.

Linri Hawke thrashed in his sleep, undergoing some sort of hellish nightmare. Fenris' chest constricted at the sight of dark brown skin covered in sweat, red brows furrowed in pain. Hawke's expression held nothing short of torment within as he battled invisible demons and Fenris' heart went out to him.

Natural light from the full moon bathed the room, although with Fenris' keen eyesight, darkness was irreverent. He tried to shake his lover awake, knowing his efforts would be in vain, but wanting to try anyway. Hawke's particular nightmare was one of the worst ones, meaning nothing short of a sharp jolt would rip him from his terrors.

"Carver..." The name came out as a hard sob, eyelashes glistening from unshed tears. Fenris knew the name of the brother who had died during the voyage to Kirkwall. Twin to Bethany, one of the few mages he could tolerate. "Carver, stay back! Let me...No! Don't go any closer!"

The thrashing began to become uncontrollable, forcing Fenris to slide on top of the bulkier male, deceptively slender hands gripping Hawke's wrists tightly. Hawke bucked his hips and struggled valiantly, shouting obscenities and promises to save dead family and companions, but Fenris was the stronger of the two and held fast.

These nightmares were not typical – normally Fenris was the one being awakened by a panicked Hawke from his memories as a slave – yet each time something hard and bitter settled at the pit of his stomach. For months Fenris had kept quiet; a lot of his silence having to do with guilt. Now, as Fenris' grip bordered on bruising and hot tears streamed down Hawke's cheeks as he cried out for his mother, the elf knew the subject could no longer be ignored.

_I swore to remain at his side, I did not mean just physically._

Even if he had issues dealing with emotions, his lover _needed_ him. He could not fail, not in this.

"Hawke." Pressing forward, Fenris' lips brushed lightly against a dark skinned ear. "Linri_, _this is going to hurt." Lyrium based tattoos on his body began to glow and with little effort, Fenris sent a hard jolt of energy into his rogue lover, gaining immediate results.

Hawke's eyes snapped open, body arching as he drew in a lung full of air before going into a coughing fit. Fenris moved over to his side of the bed, deep emerald eyes watching carefully as his partner regained his senses.

Finally, Hawke sat up, rubbing his wrists. Bright golden eyes reflected the sardonic grin that had spread on full lips. "That's one hell of a wakeup call, Fenris." He joked. "I didn't piss you off by kicking you out of the bed or anything, did I?"

"Hardly." Mild irritation began to rise up within, for he had come to know Hawke over the years and could see the beginnings of 'The Dodging Pattern'. Certain things began to make a sort of twisted sense to Fenris, things he knew would have to be worked on. Relief began to replace his previous feeling then, because he realized his lover truly _wasn't_ the perfect individual everyone believed. He had believed.

_We've all put you up on a pedestal, even as we locked you in a cage and clipped your wings._

"I..." Putting a hand behind his head, Hawke sighed, his other hand wiping hastily at his face. A myriad of emotions could be seen; regret, fear, guilt, anger. "Fenris, I –"

"Just tell me." Fenris snapped, before realizing how he sounded. Backtracking, he placed a hand on Hawke's shoulder, sliding up to cup his cheek. Idly, his thumb brushed away the remains of a stray tear. "I mean, I am here. To be the one to shoulder _your_ burdens as you shoulder everyone else's."

For a second, Fenris almost believed Hawke was going to open up. Instead, his lover gave him one of those incredibly sexy lop-sided smiles and forced out a chuckle. "It was just a nightmare. Nothing to worry over. Sorry for waking you." He reached out, fingers ghosting along Fenris' neck, brushing aside pale hair to trail along a pointed ear.

Closing his eyes, Fenris allowed Hawke to feel a moment of victory over trying to distract him before his hand snapped up, stopping Hawke's ministrations. "Enough." His eyes opened as a frown settled. "It wasn't 'just a nightmare', do not play me for a fool." He held up a hand before Hawke could protest. "I wonder, what are you afraid of?"

The question earned him a confused blink. "What?" Hawke shook his head, not quite understanding. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Shifting, Fenris laid back down, pulling the other along, wrapping his arms around Hawke's bulkier frame. "Does anyone even know? Has anyone ever asked you, or cared? All of these years, I have seen people come to you, confide in you. I am no more innocent than the others, but the others don't sleep with you at night. In your nightmares, you cry out names, regrets, and I can no longer turn a blind eye to your obvious suffering. I remain forever at your side, which means your burdens are mine."

For a long while, Hawke said nothing, settling for resting against Fenris, his head nestled on the warrior's shoulder. Fenris cast his gaze up to the decorated ceiling, listening to the restless shuffling of Orana as she hovered around their room before retreating to her own after deeming everything to be fine. He knew it would take time for Hawke to come up with the proper words, if he could express himself at all. A wry smile twitched at the edge of Fenris' lips in understanding. He had spent years lamenting over his decision to leave Hawke that fateful night, going over in his mind the proper words to say once he had decided to make things right between them. It had taken him three years, he could give Hawke the minutes he needed.

"Fenris," Hawke's voice sounded low and slightly strained. "When you look at me, do you see a hero, or a failure?"

Well, of all the things Fenris believed Hawke would have started off with, his peculiar question had not been one of them. "I don't see you as either, I suppose. In the eyes of the people, you're the Champion, the man who killed the Arishok, stopped the blood mages and Knight-Commander Meredith from her psychotic fanaticism. They begged you to become the next viscount and you've helped countless of people, including me. In my eyes, you are Hawke. The man who leaves his _disgusting_ socks in the bed at night –"

"But I hate having cold feet when I go to bed..." Hawke complained and Fenris ignored him.

"The same man who has an annoying lack of the word 'no' in his vocabulary, especially when we happen to be in the middle of something –"

At this, Hawke sat up, brow rising. "Have you _seen_ Aveline when I don't do as she asks for the guard? She's not a person you want on your bad side."

Fenris continued. "Who also has a very nasty habit of allowing his mabari mutt to leave his half-devoured bones everywhere in the estate for me to step on. You do realize I do not wear shoes, yes?"

"He hasn't done that in a month now!"

"Heroes tend to not have flaws in storybooks and fairy tales." At this, Fenris reached up, trailing his fingers along Hawke's jaw. "And you have plenty. As for being a failure..."

The pleasant atmosphere faded as Hawke looked away, settling back down against Fenris, wrapping his arms around his lover. "I hear the words 'Champion' and 'Savior', Fenris, but how can I be a savior when I can't even save the ones I love the most?"

"You mean like Carver, and your mother?" He felt Hawke tense and tightened his hold, one hand threading through short red hair.

Hawke closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. "Yes. In my dreams I see them sometimes. Staring at me with accusing eyes. When Carver was killed, my mother blamed me at first." Fenris tensed and forced himself not to growl in anger. He never had cared much for the woman, but seeing Hawke in pain over her murder had hurt him as well. To know that she had placed such heavy guilt on Linri's shoulders...

"Your brother's death was not your fault and it was wrong for her to say such a thing. In fact, it cheapens his sacrifice. Varric told me of what happened, he died trying to protect you all."

"He shouldn't have had to die at all." Linri threaded his fingers through his thick red hair, bowing his head. "I should have been faster. I'm the oldest, I should have -"

Fenris scowled. "Hawke..."

"I could have done _something_ Fenris!"

"Enough!" He grabbed Hawke's shoulders, grim hard, emerald eyes intense. "Do not deny your brother the honor he _earned_ because of your misplaced guilt. I did not know him, but I know _you_, this is not how he would have wanted you to behave. Honor his death and mourn his loss, Linri. He would want to see you standing strong."

"Maybe I get tired of being the strong one all the time, Fenris." Hawke looked and sounded tired, his hands still in his hair. "I'm not immortal, I'm not this unbreakable force. Maker knows without you all I never would have made it as far as I did."

Fenris cupped Hawke's check with his hand, smiling warmly. "Exactly. You didn't do it alone, and you are not alone now. Everyone shoulders their burdens on you, allow me to shoulder your burdens. I am stronger than I look, you know."

His smile widened when Hawke snorted, shaking his head. Then Hawke sucked in a deep breath and let it out in one long burst, lowering his hands. He looked up at the ceiling briefly before closing his eyes, taking in another breath. His body seemed to sag from relieved tension as he let out the second breath. Hawke lowered his head, giving Fenris a genuine smile that reached his golden eyes.

"Thank you." Linri's large hand framed the side of Fenris' face and he leaned in, closing the gap between their lips. Their kiss quickly became heated, a merging of mouths and mingling of tongues. Hawke's fingers massaged Fenris' scalp, while his free hand slid down the elf's chest and stomach. Fenris shivered, letting out a low moan as they parted and Linri went for his neck and just beneath his ear, a sensitive spot.

"Tomorrow." Hawke's breath felt warm against Fenris' skin as he whispered in the elf's ear. "Come with me to see him."

Carver's grave. Although the space did not hold Carver's ashes, Fenris understood the significance. This would be the first time Linri had ever asked him, or anyone, to accompany him to pay respects to his brother.

"There is no where else I would rather be than by your side, Linri."


End file.
